How To Make Your Marriage Last

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If you suspect your partner of infidelity, it is essential that you find proof. Staying out late, suspicious phone calls and gut feel are not proof enough. You have to get a confession before you can work on getting over an affair. Without proof, you may well cause the destruction of your marriage for no reason.

If you wish to forgive your partner and rebuild your marriage, that is a good step. Instead of throwing tantrums and forcing a confession out of him by shouting, crying and screaming or sulking, you need to calmly approach your husband. Tell him that you suspect him of an affair and that if that is the case, you will forgive him, as you want to make your marriage work. He then has the option to confess and if he does, you have to remain calm. If he insists that he is not having an affair, you will have to trust him and make an effort to be less suspicious. If your distrust is unfounded, you will drive him away.

Men hardly ever leave their wives for their mistresses. He is bound to want to end the affair and stay with you. However, you will have to make him want to stay.

You have to realize that he may be ashamed of what he has done. He will also want to forget about it. Asking too many questions will not only remind him of the good times he shared with his mistress, but in being honest with you, he will give you information that will only hurt you in the process. This will stand in the way of moving forward.

Unless he is a serial cheat, he will do whatever he can to set your mind at ease. He will be sure to be remorseful.

You need to act normal. Try not to check up on him constantly, no matter how big the urge is. The same applies to asking too many questions about every woman he meets. Showing that you trust him will make him act in a trustworthier manner.

If you deal with an affair in the right way, you may be able to come out stronger as a couple. He will be realize that you have given him a second chance and will think twice before he gets involved in another affair. These are some of the many strategies available for helping you in the process of getting over an affair.

Tags: Confession, Distrust, end the affair, get over an affair, Getting Over An Affair, Good Times, Having An Affair, Infidelity, make your marrige work, Marriage, Mistress, Mistresses, Phone Calls, Proof, Reason, rebuild your marriage, recover from an affair, Second Chance, stop an affair, survive infidelity, suspect your partner of infidelity, Tantrums, tips for getting over an affair, Urge
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At one time or another, many people all over the world have experienced the pain of a breakup. No break up is easy, but in some cases you may find yourself wanting to get your ex back. This can be a difficult task, but rest assured, it is not impossible!

One thing to consider when getting your ex back is to give the person space. Chances are, if you bombard your ex with a ton of phone calls, voice mails, e-mails or letters you are going to do more harm than good.

Allow your ex to have a reasonable amount of time to process the breakup and any emotions that may go along with the separation. This can take anywhere from a few days, to weeks or months depending on the person. Don’t rush them. If you want to get your ex back, allow things to flow naturally.

Every relationship has problems. Take some time to consider your role in the relationship and anything that you could have improved upon during your time together. Decide what changes you are willing to make. This is a very important part of getting your ex back.

Once the time is right, suggest that you and your ex get together in order to have a talk about the relationship and what went wrong. Take this talk very seriously, it may be what makes the difference as to whether or not you are able to patch things up.

Be prepared to be brutally honest with your ex about your intent. Tell them you would like to reconcile, and let them know what you are willing to change in order to make things work.

If things are meant to be, be ready to take things slowly. No relationship can be patched up overnight. It is going to take a lot of hard work and dedication, but if you truly love one another it will be well worth it in the long run!

Tags: Amount Of Time, break up, breaking up, Dedication, Emotions, ex, Few Days, get your ex back, getting your ex back, Lot, pain of a breakup, Relationship, relationship problems, tips to get your ex back, Voice Mails
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So, you believe you have the perfect partner, you are married to your soul mate, you believe you have a solid relationship and he or she will never be referred to as a cheating spouse, right? Wrong! You should never underestimate the power of temptation. This power can cloud anyone’s judgement and turn the most loving partners into cheating spouses.

There is certainly no clear explanation on why infidelity happens, all we know for sure is that it exists and it is more common than ever before. Husbands cheat on their wives, and wives cheat on their husbands. Just stop for a moment to reflect, I bet you know someone, a friend or a colleague, who has had a cheating spouse.

It may be speculation, but some may agree that a woman will become a cheating spouse because she feels ignored in her relationship. Insecurity is a major factor that can’t be ignored. Someone new in her life who tells her she is beautiful, makes her feel special, listens to her, and treats her with respect is quite possibly all it may take to push her into becoming a cheating spouse.

Men have often been characterized as just being sex crazed pigs and will jump into bed with anyone who is willing to have them. Most men become cheating spouses because they are ignored by their wives, either due to family responsibilities with the kids, work, etc. Men want to hold on to their youth and feel empowered when a younger woman shows an interest in them, especially if it’s a sexual interest.

A profile of cheating spouses can often be a cry for help, or a desperate means of getting attention. The thought of another woman caressing and touching your man or another man kissing and fondling your wife should be enough to make you take notice and begin to look for the reason that it is happening. We all need to prioritize our responsibilities in life and remember to make time for your spouse. A romantic dinner, a compliment on what he or she is wearing, open communication with your significant other, and no secrets will ensure that your relationship will not turn into you having a cheating spouse.

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If you are separated from your husband physically or emotionally, the thought of the failure of your relationship can be unbearable. You do not want to give up on your marriage, so all you think is I want my husband back. Depending on the extent of the problems between the two of you, reconciliation can be difficult but not impossible.

You may have tried everything that you can think of to get him back to no avail.  Here are some other ideas to consider to help you reach your goal of reconciliation.

1. Give him some space.  Some men feel limited in their marriage, like they are boxed in. The more limitations he feels are placed on him may make him distant and emotionally unavailable due to this feeling.  By having a little freedom to tinker in the garage, watch sports or hang out with the guys on a regular basis, your husband will appreciate it and enjoy the time he spends with you and your family more.

2. Limit contact. If you are separated from your husband, keep your contact with him to a minimum. This is important because it will give him a chance to work through his feelings of the separation. While your separation has been very upsetting to you, it can be just as upsetting to him. You may be thinking I want my husband back so I need to talk to him and reason with him to pull your marriage together, but constant contact could prove to be more divisive than helpful. By limiting contact, you give both of you the time you need to step back and look at your situation objectively and make positive changes that can bring you together again.

3. Be introspective. Regardless of who is at fault for the problems in your marriage, both of you need to work together to mend your relationship. Be objective and take a look at your faults. Think about what you can do or changes you can make that can bring you together. This can involve being a better listener, nagging less or showing your husband more attention.

4. Set priorities. Your relationship with your husband may have deteriorated due to your work or other commitments outside of your home. Find ways to make time for your husband and show him how important he is to you. It is also important for him to do the same for you. As determined as you may to get your husband back, unless you both work towards a resolution it will not happen.

5. Listen. When he is ready to talk, make sure that you listen to everything he has to say as objectively as possible. Address any questions he has directly and communicate your feelings clearly to him. Have an honest discussion with him and make sure that he feels that he is heard and understood. This is an emotional situation that you are in, however be as calm as possible as getting upset will not be helpful.

Tags: divorce, husband, Marriage, reconciliation, separation, want my husband back
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So you have seen happy marriages and you want to know how they do that so you can copy it for yourself.

You know that a good marriage has tremendous health benefits for the participants, and you would like to partake, but you look around and you see a ton of self-help books and Disney movies which indicate that boy and girl will live happily ever after, because the Fairy Godmother will intervene.

Somehow self-help and Disney just do not fit with what your real life relationship experiences say about happy marriage.

Because even the folks best suited for each other need to work on their thinking and feelings and behaviors regularly in order to assure happy marriages.

So what knowledge is available that can guide us without sugar coating? Robert Epstein,Ph.D., has some very interesting ideas about that question.

John Gottman,Ph.D., has done long term research on the Masters of Marriage, and has developed some exercises that help couples based on his research, and Helen Fisher,Ph.D.

has done some very powerful research using fMRI or functional magenetic resonance images of folks who are newly in love.

Dr. Fisher suggests that three brain systems are active in the early days of love, the lust, trust, and love systems, and each of the three systems has a hormone or neurotransmitter associated with them.

So engaging in behaviors like athletics, which increases testosterone for both men and women, and is associated with the lust brain system increases the possibility of…lust, for example.

Fisher also says that we have our best chance for successful relationship when we match up personality wise too, and you can determine your personality type by completing a profile at chemistry.com

Robert Epstein,Ph.D. has some very intriguing ideas about happy marriages in India, where couples may meet once before they are married.

Marriage brokers and parents seek out partners with an eye to compatibility and sustainability.

So what is it the helps those arranged marriages increase in love for the partners, so that they stay together 95% of the time, while we in the U.S. divorce 50% of the time in our first, second, and third marriages even with the intervention of the Fairy Godmother.

Epstein says that couples grow their love by doing some very basic exercises like one he calls ‘soul gazing”, sitting quietly and looking into the eyes of your partner, trying to see into their soul. His exercises help couples attend to the four pillars of marriage, Commitment, Realistic Expectations, Intimate Knowledge, and Essential Relationship Skills.

Another of Epstein’s exercises involves synchronizing heart beats.

I have used a tool called heart rate variability biofeedback to teach couples to do just that.

Heartmath is based on discoveries from the new field of neurocardiology, and it is a feel good tool that takes minimal time to learn, and couples can practice it together anywhere.

In other words, exercises like that help a couple grow and nourish a connection that is like what John Gottman,Ph.D., calls “emotional love in the bank”.

That emotional band account filled with gratitude and appreciation is there to tide couples through the inevitable periods of disillusionment.

John and Julie Schwartz-Gottman have created a workshop called The Art and Science of Love which can walk couples through a series of exercises which I think parallels Epstein’s work, as the Gottman’s have been studying the Master’s or Marriage to see what they do and do not do, and to help folks understand that they can do more of the small and regular behaviors which grow that emotional bank account.

The Gottman’s also speak to behaviors to avoid, like contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling, which are powerful predictors of divorce, and the Gottman’s suggest some very interesting ideas about how to handle flooding, or Diffuse Physiological Arousal.

Most of us would call that rage, or fight of flight, but again there are tools available which we can use to manage negative emotions or grow more positive emotions.

When do we need to use those tools? I make sure to resort to my Heartmath for example, to return to my affiliative and cooperative heart based physiology anytime my wife asks me to relinquish control of the remote, so she can watch HGTV.

That is the station where you can see folks ripping apart and remodeling perfectly O.K houses to do expensive and unnecessary changes.

This process is most acute when their is a Packer’s game on.

I know I will experience the Diffuse Physiological Arousal that the Gottman’s speak to, so I better go do something athletic to foster testosterone for more of Helen Fisher’s lust.

Happy Marriage saved.

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Michael S. Logan is a brain fitness expert, counselor, a student of Chi Gong, and a licensed one on one HeartMath provider. I enjoy the spiritual, the mythological, and psychological, and I am a late life father to Shane, 10, and Hannah Marie, 4, whose brains are so amazing.

http://www.askmikethecounselor2.com

Tags: happy marriages, make your marriage last, save your marriage
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