How To Save A Relationship: Relationship 911

Posted on Wednesday, 5th August 2009 by admin

John felt powerless in his career, so he over exerted his power at home. He was very demanding and critical of his wife and kids. Marci had a lot of ability, but felt that no one valued her input. She was defensive any time she felt that someone talked down to her, especially her husband. Together, they constantly had issues. John felt like he should be in charge and make the decisions. Marci felt like her husband didn’t care about her opinion. They refused to communicate and work together and their relationship fell apart. Neither one of them knew how to save a relationship.

Scenes like this happen all over America. Statistics show that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. Second and third marriage marriages have an even higher chance of failing. People spend millions of dollars trying to save their relationship without success.

First, you have to decide if the relationship is worth saving. If both parties aren’t interested in making it work, it is doubtful that any endeavor you try will be successful. Almost any relationship can be saved as long as both parties are committed to the time and effort. Too often, one partner gives 110% while the other only shows minimal effort. The bottom line: Make a commitment to change and be prepared to stick with it.

Next, you need to determine the underlying problem. The problem is usually deeper than what you argue about. The argument, itself, is just a symptom of a bigger disease eating away at your relationship. Marriage counselors are good at helping you discover these underlying issues. Their purpose isn’t to tell you how to save a relationship. It is to help you understand what the problems are.

Whether you work with a counselor or not, it is important to communicate. Try writing down your common arguments and look for a recurrent theme. Approach your partner at a time when you are both calm. Resist making accusations and placing blame. The bottom line: Address the core problem, not the symptoms.

Finally, make compromises. After you recognize the problem, you need a plan to help put changes in place. Neither party should have to give up everything. Come up with a solution where both individuals give up a little and gain a little. Make sure that your partner knows that even though you disagree, you still love them. Be supportive of each other’s efforts by celebrating small successes.

Relationships do not get into trouble overnight. Problems build up after years of neglected issues. Solutions won’t come overnight either. Be prepared to work long and hard and make sure that both of you are fully committed. Eventually, you will have that strong relationship that everyone will envy. One day your friend might be asking how to save a relationship, and you can be the role model couple that they come to for advice.