How To Make Your Marriage Last

If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don’t worry, it isn’t unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that’s only natural. But, in order to really decide what to do, some thinking needs to be done so you feel good about your decision, regardless if you stay married or not.

Being stuck in a sexless marriage can have you feeling a wide range of feelings from loneliness, listlessness, confusion, unconfident, etc. These feelings come about for a variety of reasons and they can be overcome if you just figure out why you’re in a sexless marriage. You need to get to the root of the problem and uncover the real reasons that you and your spouse are no longer sexually active assuming of course, you once were!

To get to the heart of the causes for a sexless marriage will take some time. On the surface, you may be thinking that the cause of your sexless marriage may include one or more of the following scenarios:

Sexless Marriage: “We both work too much!”:

You both work extremely hard and there just never seems to be enough time to get together, your schedules are skewed. This is true a lot nowadays with the ‘new’ economy, lots of couples are married but just live together like roommates if both parties have ‘time-consuming’ careers. If not managed properly, it is unfortunate but common for people in this type of lifestyle to end up in a sexless marriage.

Sexless Marriage: “You work, I stay home with the kids!”:

One of you works very hard with your career and one of you stays home to raise the children (child), which is equally as hard as any career! This situation can lead to a sexless marriage in many cases because of the seemingly disparate priority base of each party. The spouse with the career may need to work after hours, travel, or attend “post work” functions and the spouse who stays home raising the children (child) may not have any other outlet for relaxation away from the home front. This situation can easily lead to a sexless marriage because there may be underlying feelings from both sides that contribute to an already tough situation based on personal and work related schedules.

The spouse with the career may say at times, “Why do you think I work so hard? I do it for you, the kids, our family, etc.”. The spouse who stays home with the children (child) may say at times, “You have another release, you have social interaction daily with the outside world. I feel stuck here sometimes, I need to get out and have time for myself.”. If the spouse that stays home feels like the spouse with the career enjoys being out and working more than being home, that calls for a whole different and escalated level of concern! Chances are the sexless marriage was bound to be that way before the current situation even arose.

Sexless Marriage: “I don’t know why…there’s just no spark left, you don’t pay enough attention to me and our sex life and I guess I don’t either!”:
This is a common sexless marriage situation and it can be caused by a variety of things including emotional scars, bad experiences, boredom, laziness, etc. In this situation, there is deep cause for concern from both parties because both parties aren’t happy sexually but don’t really know why it ended up this way. Both parties have just “let things go” and didn’t place a high enough priority on their sex life with their spouse, which in and of itself is very concerning.

Why would either or both parties let things get this way when love making is so important?

Sometimes there’s a feeling of being taken for granted that can occur in this type of sexless marriage, and both parties should realize that sex is a basic human need and should take priority over other things at the right time. It takes work to get out of this type of sexless marriage, you need to sit down and figure out why your marital love life has dwindled. If you both really want to rekindle things, you can do so, but you both need to take equal responsibility for correcting the problem.

Whatever type of sexless marriage you are in (there’s certainly more types than listed here), remember that it is not unrecoverable. If you’re to the point of thinking about getting a divorce because of your sexless marriage, take the time to sit down and figure out how it got to be the way it is now.

If you’ve lost interest in your spouse from a sexual point of view, you need to define exactly why that occurred. If you don’t know right off hand, you need to think back to a time when you did ‘have the spark’ and recall what you both were doing, feeling, thinking, etc. From that point, identify what has changed, why it has changed, and what you can do about it. When you get that portion figured out, you may well on your way to taking the first step of recovering from your sexless marriage. Remember, if you really want to rekindle your relationship, you can.

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Let’s start this article off and simply say this. In my opinion, couples should go for counseling before they get married. This will help them to identify trouble spots, which will crop up later on in their life. They can rectify this problem after wards. Going for counseling is not yet popular among the people since they take it as a weak point. Couple who have strong marriage relation will also get the benefit if they take the service of professional counselors.

There are different stages in marriage. First step is for the couple to get married. Even if the couple are in love for some time and have meeting each other occasionally, there are so many things about each other, which they really do not know. Couple who live together and if they want to get married, still they must take the help of a counselor. They might not have thought about household workload and the finance involved. The counselor will highlight these problem areas and the couple can sort out this problem before the marriage.

Once a couple decide to get married they should approach a professional counselor and find out the trouble spots and get it rectified so that they are ready for the commitments which a married life demands. Counseling not only strengthen the relationship but also help to find out the trouble spot and rectify before it becomes a big issue, which ends up in fights. The number of fights will increase gradually. To avoid the situation you must visit a counselor before marriage. When the couple talk to an experienced counselor, he will come to know where the trouble can crop up, with his experience. It does not matter whether the couple tries to put forward their best form. The counselor will filter out trouble spots immediately while you speak to him.

Second stage is the arrival of new born. There will be a lot of excitements. But at the same time there will be ups and downs as well. Normal schedule will change. More responsibilities will be there. With each child birth the schedule will also change. Counseling at this stage will help the couple to deal with the situation during ups and downs. Counseling will help to keep the channel of communication open, which is very essential in couple. For a given situation, both the couple will react differently. One should keep others interest in mind. Counseling will help them to identify the trouble spots. That way one can avoid the situation if possible.

Most important thing to remember is that counseling is not a weakness, as people believe. It does not mean that the people who go for counseling are having weak relationship. Couple with strong relationship can also take the help of a counselor. It will help you to strengthen your relationship, which will last longer.

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I need help on how to save my marriage , I have cheated in my wife on the past , several times and now I always think something is going on that is not and it is pushing us apart. I don’t have proof of anything wrong she has done just what I think she has done and She has about had it with me because of it. I dont know what to do ?

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Successful marriages are a product of a mix of various components. Two of the most important ones are happiness and fulfillment. If these are not present, this, together with other factors, can eventually cause marriage disaster.

While not every marriage can be saved, and some are doomed regardless, marriage counseling works for many. Teaching the basic principles that are taught in counseling sessions can help save a marriage from destruction and help couples back onto the path of a fulfilling marriage. The willingness of both parties in the marriage to work to restore the relationship is really the ultimate factor that drives success in marriage counseling. We’ll discuss later some of the reasons and factors for success or failure of the relationship.

There is no end to the ways that couples can create conflict in their relationships. And there are many reasons why couples seek marriage counseling. All marriages are beset with difficulties at some point in the relationship. Sadly, many do not survive them, and become numbered in the divorce statistics.

Marriage counseling is most often sought when couples reach a point of frustration, much sadness and severe hurt in the relationship. Yet, these troubles have not arisen from nowhere, and may have been brewing for many years. Yet usually the only time people seek out marriage counseling is when the relationship is already nearly broken down. If couples would seek counseling back when their difficulties begin, before they add the layers of hurt and misunderstanding, the success rate of counseling would be greatly improved.

Everyone wants to strive for happiness, but our often fantasized ideal of happiness is seldom experienced in the real world. A marriage relationship is hard work. It requires each partner to often suspend their ego, not fixate on who is right and who is wrong, but to try to find compromise, to get around the issues that divide them. Accepting the reality of a more achievable happiness requires a sensible and realistic approach, and learning to drop that insistence on being “right” is a good first step, both in a marriage and in entering marriage counseling. Without this, all may be in vain.

As may be seen in this article, working to save a marriage is the central discussion. But, what of the couples that insist on divorce? Sometimes, even couples who have reached this point in their marriage can be helped to retrieve it through counseling. But even if the marriage cannot be saved, using counseling to help couples divorce amicably, even transform into friends, lean how to be willing co-parents to their children, etc., can lessen the pain and help people achieve a more constructive process. During the stages of dissolving the marriage, extreme emotions are likely to be felt.

The physical and emotional separation may aggravate feeling of pain, loss, mourning and distress. Marriage counseling can often be of great help during this period as it can help couples express emotions that have not been fully expressed, and clear the air for a new beginning as divorced people.

Once you begin to see the signs of distress in the marriage is the time to seek marriage counseling. It’s best not to wait until the layers of hurt and anger have created pain that may never be healed. Seeking counseling at the earliest possible time gives the very best chance of saving the relationship and renewing it. Waiting too long too often means waiting until it is too late to save the marriage.

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The state makes it very easy for couples to divorce one another just because of irreconcilable differences. “Irreconcilable differences” are words used for most divorce decrees that give justification for divorce. It’s true, couples have conflicting opinions from time to time, and they may even have major conflict once in a while, but these differences do not warrant separation from each other according to God.

Lately I have been getting more and more emails from people who are not in agreement to divorcing their spouse, what can they do? Don’t they have any say-so in the matter? It’s unfortunate because according to the state, they don’t have any say-so. A spouse can refuse to sign the papers, but the state has loopholes for that too, it is called the “uncontested divorce”, which means, if you don’t sign, the divorce proceedings will go on without you and you will then have no say-so in any of the logistical matters concerning the divorce. I did the research.

Many Christian married folks now-a-days have worldly attitudes about what marriage is and what marriage should be; not all of them, but many of them. As Christian’s we should never venture out of the godly realm of authority and into society for the answers we need. The Master Designer Himself is the only One who really cares about you and your marriage.

The main reason a spouse might decide to get a divorce is because they are unwilling to work on the marriage. They usually have no idea that they too might be at fault for the problems associated with the marriage. Selfishness blinds people to having a committed heart to someone else. They are really only interested in serving themselves. The problem with this kind of attitude is that putting your spouse’s feelings in front of yours is what marriage is all about!

I’m not saying that all the fault should go to the spouse who wants the divorce; it certainly takes two to tango, but which spouse is the one being selfish, the one who wants to work on the marriage and stop divorce or the spouse who doesn’t want to work on the marriage and get a divorce? The only thing that will have any real impact on a spouse deciding to work on the marriage rather than get a divorce is the power of the Holy Spirit within them. Only Christ can change a bad attitude.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2 NIV)

Christian couples divorce because they are out of balance spiritually within themselves. They have been conditioned to believe, if they don’t “feel” a certain way, or if their spouse sinned against the marriage, they are entitled to divorce. But that is not what God says. Divorce is ugly and vengeful, and it always hurts someone terribly. You can stop divorce in its tracks by realizing that it is out of a hardened heart that most divorces take place.

I believe if couples would only slow down, and take the time to find themselves; to realize that they have a part in the disintegration of the marriage, they can together seek the proper answers they need to rectify any irreconcilable differences, and save the marriage.

Don’t waste your time focusing on what your spouse did or didn’t do. Focus on allowing Jesus Christ to direct your spirit in the proper ways of loving yourself and others. Meditate on God’s words of wisdom for your marriage daily, and watch how easy your thinking changes from the divorce mentality to choosing to work on your marriage.

A husband, who unconditionally loves his wife, will not seek a divorce. And the wife who unconditionally loves her husband will not seek a divorce. It doesn’t always seem fair, but when you understand how love operates through the workings of what Jesus Christ did for you, you will better understand how you can love others unconditionally.

Jesus Christ loved us so much that He paid a debt he did not owe because we owed a debt we could not pay? The same analogy applies to marriage. Don’t love because you want something in return; love because that is a principled aspect of who you are.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this way: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8 NIV)

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